Perfectionist? No thanks! Averagist for me…

Staring at the ceiling, I contemplated what my next move should be. A thousand thoughts went through my head as I argued with myself over a career move that I was reasonably certain was an impossibility. 12:00am, 1:00am, 3:30am…same conversation playing in my head.

Earlier that day, I had a conversation with someone who told me about an opportunity at another employer. I hadn’t thought much about it at the time. After all, I was only 33 and this job had a list of requirements that I didn’t think I met. I usually go with my gut on matters like this, but my gut wasn’t helping things.

kid therapy

Here’s the problem: All my life, I’ve taken the safe road. There’s a psychological disorder where people will only try things if they are certain that they will be successful. If they think they can’t be, they’ll not try it at all (Full disclosure, I’m not a Psychologist but my sister is and she tells me regularly how screwed up I am); however, I’ve not been officially diagnosed with this.

That said, I know I must have some version of this. (E.g., When I was a kid, I could get a B+ or A- without studying so I didn’t. Why not? b/c if I studied and still only got a B+, that’s a failure.)

Back to the sleepless night. Here are some snippets from the argument going on in my head:

  1. “I’ve never done this before”
  2. “I’m too young”
  3. “I have a good job now and you’ve only been there 1 year”
  4. “This could be a career killer”
  5. “What if this isn’t what I really want to do with my life”
  6. “I don’t have the experience. If this had only come along a year or two down the road…”
  7. “What if I find out that I’m over my head?”

The interesting part about this? All this was BEFORE I EVEN APPLIED for the position!!!

I was reading a post over on Leadership Freak where Dan really made me think about the way I do things. I never realized it before, but I’m apparently a perfectionist. Dan talks about being an “averagist”.

“Averagists,” those who take imperfect steps toward achievable goals, always go further than perfectionists. Each step forward calls for another because you haven’t arrived.”

In a world where we’re taught to play it safe, the challenge is to keep moving towards perfection rather than waiting until you’re sure you’ll get there before you take a step. I want to take imperfect steps towards achievable goals.

I don’t want to be a perfectionist!

I, gulp, WANT TO FAIL…forward. We don’t learn from success, we learn from failure.

Btw, I’ve been doing the job over a year and am loving every minute of it…

Accountability is Awesome!

I’m re-reading a book called The Oz Principle. It’s all about accountability and staying ‘above the line’. I’d really encourage you to read this one. Today, I covered a passage that really, really hit home with me.

Before I finish that thought, let’s cover the definition of accountable. According to Webster’s online dictionary: “Required to explain actions or decisions to someone.”

OzEven the language of this one makes you feel like a victim. “Required to explain…” makes you feel like you’ve got to tell someone why you couldn’t/didn’t do something. I think that’s wrong.

The book defines it, “A personal choice to rise above one’s circumstances and demonstrate the ownership necessary for achieving desired results…”

I like this one way better. It makes me think, “Hey, what else can I do now to make this happen?”

See the difference? Now, back to my earlier epiphany.


It’s the part about what can I do NOW. It doesn’t matter that things didn’t go as I thought they should, the question is what can I do now? Anything that happened is, by definition, the past. You cannot change the past. Even if it just happened. What can I do now?

crying baby“But you don’t understand! I lost my job, my spouse is a dufas, my parents were nut jobs, I’m too old to…” Sound familiar?

Okay, now to my epiphany (really this time).

There are people all around me that are stuck in the victim cycle. I recognize it because I’ve been there. I’ve been stuck. It was always “their fault”. I was right. Circumstances beyond my control made that job a dead end. I was a victim and until I chose to ask the question “What can I do NOW,” it didn’t change.

You know those people too. There’s always a reason/excuse why…

Question is, in what part of your life are you stuck in the victim role?

  • Did you have a crazy parent? That sucks. What are you going to do NOW? They were crazy – can’t change that – it’s in the past.
  • Are you sick? That sucks. What are you going to do NOW? Can’t go back and keep from getting sick – it’s in the past.
  • Are you broke? That sucks. What are you going to do NOW? Can’t go back and make better financial decisions – it’s in the past.

Get it? Sometimes life is cruel. Can’t change that. What are you going to do NOW?

There is no try?

ImageYoda was wrong!

Hold on…before you dismiss this as heresy, hear me out.

“Do or not do. There is no try,” is, of course, the line I’m talking about. While I get the line, I don’t buy it.

Try. That’s a tough thing to do. Generally, if you’re like me, you like to think, think, think, think, build, present to the world. The problem with that reasoning is that we get too vested in the outcome or our ‘build’ that we make it hard for people to tell us what needs to be improved.

No one wants to tell you that your baby is ugly. Continue reading

Career Insecurities: What do they really mean?

Why are we scared to start something new?

I remember the folklore surrounding sorority rush. I went to a University with a very large sorority population and there was one particular sorority that was known all over campus to have the legendary “circle of fat”. Legend has it that’s where  girls were placed on a pedestal and the other girls would draw on their bodies with a sharpie.

As aweful as that sounds, it didn’t actually happen – urban legend. No one ever experienced it first hand, but every single girl on campus “knew” someone who had a friend who it had happened to.

The very thought of experiencing that kind of vulnerability made even the most beautiful girls on the entire campus tremble with fear.

Anytime we step into a new role, we expect to learn a lot, right? Of course we do. When you accept the new position, there is a lot of uncertainty as you leave the old position/division/company. That’s to be expected. but after awhile, even those who are accustomed to starting something new can get a little stuck – especially when we think the stakes are high!


Because we have insecurities.

Some people just mask them more easily, but we definitely all have them. We all think someone is going to draw circles around our imperfections with a sharpie.

Continue reading

Top 5 things I’ve learned working here:

Today’s my last day.

No, not from this site (sorry), but from my current role teaching leadership and management in the government sector.

On Monday, I’ll start my new role as AVP of Learning and Talent Development for an awesome company here in Birmingham. I am very excited to be trekking back over into the private sector to head up their leadership development programs.

As I’m cleaning out my office today, I’ve been looking back over the last few months and trying to reflect upon some the lessons I’ve learned. I’ve been able to learn from people I work for, people I work with, and people I’ve taught.

Lessons learned (in no particular order):

  1. Make time for fun. Spending time in the classroom, I know that having fun and being engaged is essential to learning. If I want to continue learning in my new spot, or even in life, I must be engaged and have fun.
  2. Expect more from people and they’ll deliver. I’ve had the pleasure of working with a great team for a great leader. My immediate manager has made it very clear that he expects us to deliver great product. It doesn’t matter how we get there, just get there. And you know what? It works!
  3. Connect with your team and you’ll be connected. Duh, right? Easy to say; not so easy to do. Everyone can’t be on the team. You should include everyone, but learn who gets it and who doesn’t when you’re trying to move something forward. Often times it’s easier to focus on those who tell you why things can’t change than to run with the folks who are changing things.
  4. Make a difference everyday…even if it doesn’t feel like it’s working. Some days are better than others, no doubt, but as Bob Ferrell say, “Show enthusiasm…I didn’t say be enthusiastic.” His point is that it’s always a show, whether or not you feel like performing.
  5. Practice what you preach. Often, people say “those who can’t do teach.” I can say whole heartedly that you’re going to make much more of an impact than you can imagine if you practice what you preach. It’s easy to say the right things but much harder to live them. I saw that 1st hand when my manger found out I was moving on. We’re good friends and I know he’s sad to see me go, but he’s been genuinely excited for me. Here’s a link to his philosophy. I know for a fact that he lives this. I hope I can always model the behavior I’ve see in him.

I’ve learned countless other things, but these are the 1st 5 I got down on paper. I’m sure I’ll share a few more pretty soon.

See you on the flip side!

Fresh Meat!

Yay, New Guy!!!

No, not the terrible movie…

No, I’m not telling you to get a new boyfriend/husband.

The fact is, new people make you better.

There’s a study from the Kellog School of Business Associate Professor Katherine Phillips that delves into the advantages of diversity within teams. The research suggests that teams performed better when a newcomer was introduced to an existing team, even when the new ideas did not come from the new member.  This suggests, of course, that diversity in and of itself actually promotes productivity increases.

We’ve long believed that diversity promotes different perspectives and different thought processes which ultimately lead to better results. This does occur, but the reasons might be different than expected. We should always examine why we succeed rather than just why we fail. It appears that the new study by Professor Phillips shows that our success from diversity might be for a different reason all together than what we’ve long thought. New people make us dig deeper and perform better.

Obviously, this is important in a company setting; however, the challenge is to transition this into our personal lives. It’s no secret that people gravitate towards people like themselves. Heck, one of the most famous sayings in the world is “birds of a feather…” See.  I didn’t even have to finish it!

The study demonstrates that injecting someone different into a team makes that team perform at a higher level. Why not our own lives? With the understanding that diversity breeds elevated performance, why not interject a little diversity into the rest of your life?

I’m not talking about taking a different route to work, although some are in such a need of change that this might help, but maybe its listening to different music. How about listening to the guy on talk radio that thinks totally opposite of you rather than the guy who you know what he’s going to say before he gets the words out. What would happen if you have lunch at least once a week with someone from a different department than your own? How about going to a different blog from time to time?
The point is, it’s like a marriage; if two of you are exactly alike, you don’t need one of you.  You are better when you are challenged. You are better when you have to think.  Make sure you are challenged in every area of your life.
Find a new guy!  Keep pushing.  Keep Thinking!!!

FISO – Fit In before you Stand Out

“You have to Fit In before you can Stand Out.”

This is a lesson that one of my really smart grad school professors taught me. I certainly think it’s true. Here’s why:

Anytime we take on a new role, whether it’s a new job, new volunteer position, a new anything, there are a couple of things we need to remember:

  1. There are established group norms that you need to understand. It’s a challenge when you jump in with a new perspective and identify problems that need to be fixed. To be successful long term, you need to operate within the framework that exists. Otherwise, you’ll alienate people and make it very difficult to change anything.
  2. As a leader, you inspire people and lead them from where they are. Think about it. If I told you that the way you’d been doing things is completely wrong and you were obviously not as smart as I am since you’re doing it that way, you’d totally blow me off, right? That’s kind of what happens without people saying it out loud. You must build alliances before you go into battle.
  3. You cannot have my mind, until you have my heart. That’s something that many people just don’t understand. There is no shortage of good ideas. There is a shortage of good ideas that are effectively implemented. If you don’t win me over as a person, I don’t give two hoots about your ideas. The upside to this is that when you have won my heart, I’ll go with you and fight for you in ways you never thought possible.

As you move into anything new, look for ways to FISO. Small wins early mean much more than a big “win” that costs you long term.

You’re smart. You’ve got great ideas. You’ve got what it takes…if you’re patient. As a Gen Y, that’s not the way we’re wired. Ironically enough, that is the way we’re led.

You want to contribute. You want to make a difference. You want to be valued and appreciated. So does the new team you’re on.

What do you think? Does FISO sound credible to you?

How’s your vision?

I’m surprised how few people know the difference between a vision statement and a mission statement; however, I’m even more surprised that people don’t have their own, personal vision and mission statement.

If Gen Y can get this right at our age, there’s no limit to what we can accomplish. It focuses us. Can you even imagine how much we can do if we’re focused in an A.D.D. world.

Let’s start the discussion with definitions:

Vision Statement: This simple ONE sentence tells where exactly you want to be.

It’s the WHY behind everything. You should be able to look at that statement and ask yourself the same question anytime you have a decision to make.

“How does this decision move me closer towards that vision?”

Mission Statement: ONE (or possibly 2) sentences that explains the things you do regularly to achieve your mission.

This is the HOW you are going to get there. It involves activities that contribute to the end result you’ve laid out in the vision statement.

Believe it or not, it’s much easier to do this for an organization than it is for an individual…Especially if you’re a Gen-Y. We hate commitment. This sounds an awfully lot like a rule/chain and we’d rather not be tied down.

GOOD NEWS! It’s not a rule, it’s a principle.

Principles guide you in your decisions. No matter where you are in life, you can still use your vision.

Write it out. Maybe think of it as pre-writing your tombstone quote. What do you want people to remember about you? Better yet, what do you want to be? (hint: rich sounds stupid on a tombstone)

I think a great vision is used by my church. It’s simply “To be found faithful as God’s people.” No matter what else, every member of the organization can ask themselves with every decision I make, does this help me to be found faithful as God’s people?

What about you? Do you have a Personal Vision Statement? If not, do you think it could help you understand where you’re going and make decisions along the way?

I do.

3 essentials to being promoted

Today, I was working with a great group of employees who have aspirations of moving into management. We discussed a ton but I wanted to share with you a couple of my key takeaways (and hopefully, theirs too).

This group is a little unique in that they are government employees. Because they are government employees, I should explain that the promotional system is very different than you’d see in the private sector. Mainly, that promotions are based primarily on skills testing and secondarily on leadership aptitude – (the opposite of what you might find in private companies).

The workshop is called “The Supervisor’s Job” but in your world, it might sound more like Management 101.

Here are 3 key areas we discussed that people need to understand when trying to move into management. Unfortunately, the Dwight Schrutes of the world seem to always miss them.

1. You’d better be in it for the right reasons. (Hint: prestige, power & money aren’t the right answer) In our system, there is a very limited financial gain for moving into management. Most people in the class said they wanted to move into management because they wanted to bring change and make a difference.

2. Money and power don’t change you; they make you more of what you are. Ever met a rich person who was mean? No! you met a mean person who was rich. There’s a difference. Money and position/power is simply a tool. You can use that tool for good or for your own self interests.

Any organization desperately needs people who will think in terms of how a decision impacts the organization rather than how it will benefit them personally.

3. The same level of thinking that got you here won’t get you there.You have to think like a manager before you become one. You know those people (hopefully this isn’t us) who always thinks that managers are idiots? Managers forgot where they came from? Managers just don’t get it?

Now, think. Who determines if you get a promotion? Why would the management group want to bring you into their group and let you lead others when you always talk about how bad they are? Yeah, didn’t think so.

It looks to me like these folks have a ton of potential. Just imagine if all of our managers operated on these premises?!?!

What would you add? What else should a new manager be thinking about?



Leadership Development – what exactly does that mean?

Leadership Development is all the buzz right now in many companies.

On Google, a quick search for that exact term lends “about 394,000,000 results (0.24 seconds)” and on Amazon it results in 34,975 titles. Wow. That’s a lot!!!

So, what does that mean exactly? Like a great professor I had in B-school taught me to say, “it depends.”

It depends on where you are in life. It depends on what your needs are at the moment. It depends on the person you ask. It depends on what you know. It depends on what you don’t know.

I’d love to answer the question, but I don’t know all those things about your situation right now so let’s tackle a couple of the basic premises behind leadership development.

1. Development means you’re moving forward.

No matter where you are in your career, you probably need leadership development. Often we think of leadership development that’s needed for the C-suite (VP/CEO/Board of Dir) but we don’t consider the everyday learning needed for lower level managers as leadership development on the same level. I’d argue that the leadership development that happens on these lower levels is MUCH more critical to a person’s success than anything they learn at the top.

Sure, the decision may affect more people when you’re at the top, but any structure is only as strong as its foundation. What people learn at the foundational levels will only be amplified as they elevate through an organization. That said, you should work twice as hard to make sure the foundation is right.

2. Development means there’s something to develop.

I’m asked often how a person can be a leader if they’re not a manager. Simple. John Maxwell says “Leadership is Influence: nothing more, nothing less.” If you have influence, you’re a leader. If you’re a leader, you have influence. Whether it’s influencing your family, a little league team, or the sandlot bunch of misfits you manage at the office, leadership is present…good or bad. Either way, you should be trying to develop it within yourself.

3. Development leads to more questions than answers.

The more I know about any subject, the more I realize I don’t know. The best leaders in the world are not the ones barking orders. They’re the ones asking the right questions and inspiring their followers to do the same.

What makes your group strong? What’s their biggest weakness? What kind of plan do we have in place for X? Who out there knows more than I do about Y?

Keep asking questions. When you think you know enough, realize you’re more lost than you’ve ever been…

Those are just a few of the things I’ve noticed in leadership development. What do you see out there around this topic?

What’s your plan for your own leadership development? What do I not know?